This review of “I Love You Goodbye” contains spoilers. Because it’s a terrible movie and people should be warned. It’s a public service, really.
In this movie, Angelica Panganiban’s character, Lizette, cries every fifteen minutes. Which puzzled me to no end, because as far as I could tell, the only tragedy — if you could call it that — in her life was her boyfriend leaving her a few years ago. Big deal, right? Everybody has a lover that leaves them at some point in their life. But apparently this movie thinks this merits bucketloads of tears. Lizette doesn’t work. She’s dating rich surgeon Adrian (played by Gabby Concepcion), and her only activities are screwing her boyfriend, fixing up their new house and making sure the maids get the meals ready on time. She doesn’t have to worry about sales numbers or winning court cases. Imagine how much more tragic she’d be if she actually had a career to worry about. I can imagine her breaking down whenever she runs out of staples.
Clearly a girl this whiny and unambitious is a catch, and deserves to be fought over by Derek Ramsay and Gabby Concepcion. The ex-boyfriend Gary (played by Derek) arranges a meeting with her under the pretense of being interested in Adrian’s daughter. His methods of winning her back includes a lot of arm-grabbing, which makes me wonder if real-life courtships require that much manhandling (in which case it explains why my relationships don’t last very long). He ultimately wins her back, so Lizette leaves Adrian to go marry him. And when I say “leave”, I mean she packs a bag in secret and sneaks off to the bus station without saying a word to the man she as been living with. She probably figured that if this thing with Gary doesn’t work out, she can always sneak back home and no one would be the wiser. It’s not being spineless, it’s being smart. And of course Gary never shows up, so she cries a bit more, takes a shower and agrees to Adrian’s marriage proposal. Turns out Derek couldn’t make the rendezvous because he was … dead. So she cries again, then marries Adrian anyway. Everyone has a happy ending. Especially Derek, who was saved by death from being married to the spineless whiny woman with a hideous wardrobe. Adrian, as far as I can tell, is a man who thinks that the way to keep a woman is to get rid of the competition instead of letting her make up her own mind. Which works perfectly when Lizette is concerned because she seems willing to be with any man who (1) will love her and (2) has a pulse (sorry, Gary). Like I said, everyone gets a happy ending.
By the way, the casting of Gabby Concepcion opposite Angelica Panganiban — WTF? Did they not check for on-screen chemistry before casting those two? I can take the age gap, but add that to the lack of chemistry, and you end up with really creepy love scenes that keep you squirming throughout the movie. And Derek Ramsay did not take his shirt off often enough to make up for it. Just saying.
On the way out of the theater, we comforted ourselves with the realization that there was no way “Mano Po 6” (which we were watching next) would be worse than this. We were right, it wasn’t.